mentalcat

It's Saturday again and since my last MD fail, we call it nothingday. Because absolutely nothing happens in this city if you're not down to go out and bingedrink, take drugs and fuck up. It's quite sad to realize how all my friendships kind of revolve around partying. Once I'm not drunk or high, I suddenly don't have anything in common with them. This is bad because it makes it really hard to go out with the intention of not getting fucked up and actually sticking to it. I need a line, a couple of pills and at least 4 beers to feel like I'm bonding with the people I'm around. From a sober perspective, everyone just seems so alien. And who am I kidding? I love the illusion of fitting in, of feeling connected. I knew all the way that as soon as I quit Molly, it would only be me, my shattered thoughts and that oh so insistent social anxiety. Tempting? Not really.