mentalcat

I want to start a new blog, an official one. I miss blogging about daily bullshit that no one cares about but everyone likes reading about. The kind of stuff it doesn't make any sense to write about if I'm my only reader. Or maybe I'm just a hell of an attentionwhore? Screw the reason, I miss furrycat! But I feel like that's a chapter of my life that I've left behind. It's the young, innocent me, and towards the last posts the (still very young) not so innocent, unhappy me. I need to be reborn. I need a new blog.

 

I have absolutely nothing to do at the moment. No job, no entrance exams left, just waiting.. And I gotta say, it feels amazing to be free but still having something to wait for! Having a purpose.

 

I miss Emil. I ran into him last week and it was a strange feeling. Like I was back in 2012. I hate how time is running away and everyone except for me is getting somewhere. Maybe I just miss the person I was three years ago? So cool, funny and motivated.

 

I hate how I begin every paragraph with a pronoun. It kind of mirrors how much I constantly overanalyze my own emotions and how I still think like a teenager. Even though I know the world doesn't evolve around my existence, I can't say it doesn't feel like that most of the days.. My therapist actually told me she thinks I have great self-insight. Like, that's not my problem. I asked whether she even thinks I should see her anymore because I often feel like there's nothing to talk about. I wish she would ask me more questions but she just sits there, silent. It makes me feel like an idiot. She said it's my choise so I should decide and tell her on thursday. I feel like she would get hurt if I tell her I don't but at the same time I know that's riddiculous. Maybe I'm the one that would feel left all of the sudden? I hope that if I go back, we would start talking about my abandonment issues. I think they might actually be a chapter I don't have enough insight about.On the other hand I don't know if she's the right person to open up for more than I've already done. She's so old. So different. She seems distant.